


Alaska

by Jaamesbbarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst to Fluff, F/M, Fluff, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 18:51:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaamesbbarnes/pseuds/Jaamesbbarnes
Summary: After a successful yet stressful mission, you and Bucky are forced to stay put because of a raging snow storm in Alaska. Lucky for you, you were near the fanciest hotel in the state, but not everything goes as smoothly as hoped. Or maybe it does?





	Alaska

“Is that a joke?” you snorted as you passed the door and your eyes landed on the double bed in the middle of the fancy room. 

Bucky let out an appreciation whistle as he looked around the room. “Stark really doesn’t do things by half,” he chuckled as he placed his bag fall on the floor with a thud. 

The room booked by Tony was huge. Bigger than the one you had in the tower, which was already bigger than the apartment you used to live in before joining the team.

You looked around the room. A large tv was facing the bed and you noticed there was also a small living room area with a coffee table and a couch. This was definitely a nice treat after spending the last three days in the snow, fighting Hydra agents with Bucky. 

The snow had surprised you both, especially when it got thicker and thicker with each day that passed. So much that you were now stuck in Alaska with a ban to fly back home in the Quinjet. As a reward, Stark had booked the last room available in the closest hotel. Luckily for you, it was a really fancy hotel.

You let your tired legs walk you to the bed and let yourself fall face down on the too comfortable and even more expensive, mattress, your arms open wide. 

“Fuck, it’s so comfortable,” you mumbled your face buried in the comforter. 

Bucky laughed tiredly at your muffled voice and walked across the room to sit on the other side of the bed. The former Winter Soldier let himself fall on his back in a huff, facing the ceiling. When you turned your face to look at him, you were met with his sharp, perfect beard-covered jaw, his face upside down. You both sighed deeply at the feeling of your tensed muscles finally relaxing after your tough mission.

“I’m going to be so sore tomorrow,” you sighed tiredly, rolling on your back with some difficulties. 

Your body was already starting to ache from the physical effort and several hits you took and the cold. Fuck you didn’t expected Alaska to be THIS cold. 

“A hot shower should help your muscles relax and warm you up, because we clearly were not ready for so much snow,” Bucky hummed, his eyes closed. 

You nodded. “Definitely not expecting a goddamn storm. But a shower means standing uuuup,” you whined.

Bucky couldn’t suppress the heartfelt laugh that ran past his lips at your childish behavior, the contrast too evident with the way you knocked out and strangled several agents only a couple hours before. Your heart skipped a few beats at the deep and throaty sound. Bucky used to not be the kind of guy to laugh much. 

You could still remember how seeing him break a smile used to already be a little victory so making him laugh now was like hitting jackpot. You couldn’t deny that the sound of his genuine laugh made your lips curl up into a smile because you were the reason he was laughing.

A soft chuckle escaped your own lips and you could feel all the tension slowly fading away but you refused to believe it was because of Bucky’s large frame against yours on the bed. So close you could feel his body warmth radiating through his tactical gear and yours, softly tickling your skin. No, it was definitely not because of his too alerting presence near you. Nope.

You shook your head at your own silliness and pulled yourself up to drag your heavy, achy form to the bathroom. But your laughter turned into a loud, surprised gasp at the sight of the large bathtub, alerting Bucky who propped himself up on his elbows to look at you in curiosity. “No shower for me, more like a three hours long warm bubble bath. You’d better take your shower first, I’m going to take ages in here,” you stated, looking at the former Winter Soldier sprawled on the bed. You tried not to let your eyes wander too long on him, not wanting him to catch you stare at his thigh holster that highlighted his thick and sinful legs in a way that had your mind run wild way too many times. You didn’t know if it was the holster in itself or the knife tucked in it, but it never failed to have you biting your lip and groan in frustration.

Bucky shook his head, letting himself fall on the mattress again, “you go first, I’m too comfortable here. I’ll order room service, Stark’s treat,” he smirked. You rolled your eyes, unable to fight the small smile that tugged on your lips and picked up your bag. “Suit yourself, Barnes,” you chuckled before locking yourself in the bathroom. You started running yourself a hot bath, pouring as much product as needed to have the bubbles almost flow over the tub. As the room filled with the relaxing scent of lavender and comforting hot steam, you took off your clothes to check out the physical damages. You had several large bruises on your ribcage and your left thigh and multiples cuts and smaller bruises on the arms and neck but nothing to serious, just the usual stuff.

You sighed and reached for your bag to take a few aspirins, knowing that tomorrow, all of this will hurt like a bitch in addition to your sore muscles. When the bath was finally ready, you slowly sank in the tub, hissing half in pain, half in delight as the too hot water relaxed all your muscles in a matter of seconds. You rested your head against the tub, sighing in content and you suddenly realized it was the first time in three days you were not freezing to death. “Fuck, I hate Alaska,” you chuckled to yourself as you grabbed your phone to put on some music to relax fully.

You only got out of the tub more than an hour later. Saying that you didn’t doze off in there would be a lie but nobody would ask. After quickly padding yourself dry and using the overprice body lotion provided by the hotel, you put on old leggings, a tank top and a dark blue hoodie that you stole from Steve while doing laundry. It was way too big for you and probably the reason you loved it so much, it was comfy and warm, like a giant hug. You opened the door to see Bucky sitting on the bed, still in his black cargo pants and thin sweater that he wears under his suit, but lucky for you, he had ridden himself off his multiple weapons he was caring, and that included the thigh holster.

His large frame was taking more than half of the bed and the other half was covered with various plates and trays full of food. “I didn’t know what you wanted so I ordered about everything,” he grinned proudly. You were so focus on the food, you didn’t notice the quick once over he gave you. You chuckled, your stomach immediately reacting to all the delicious food on display. ”You’re a good man, James Buchanan Barnes,” you sighed in content, walking to the bed to join him. You sat cross-legged next to him and automatically reached for the tortilla chips and dipped one in some guacamole. “That’s so good,” you hummed, happy to finally have some proper food in your system.

Bucky watched you carefully, smiling to himself, loving to see you back to your relaxed self after such a stressful mission. ”How was your bath?” he asked, looking at you take a large bite of a hamburger and pretending he hasn’t been thinking of you, completely naked in the next room for the past hour. You tried to answer but your mouth being full, he didn’t understand a word you said. His puzzled face made you laugh so much you had to cover your mouth not to spill the food everywhere. ”Best bath I ever had,” you chuckled once you swallowed your bite. ”You should take one too!”

”Why? Do I smell that bad?” he pouted. “Well…” you winced and scrunched your nose, making him gasp in offense. “I’m kidding!” you giggled, pushing him playfully, “but it feels amazing and a bath and good food is perfect to treat yourself after our successful mission!” You raised your hand in the air for a high five. Your genuine smile and enthusiasm made him chuckle and he raised his right hand to high five you. You turned to look at the tv and smiled wider when you noticed what he was watching “Cool! You kept on watching Brooklyn Nine Nine! It’s great, isn’t it?”

Bucky nodded, “except for the many references I don’t get, yeah, it’s actually pretty cool.” You moved to sit better so you could sit back against the headboard, your plate on your lap. “I’ll explain it to you like I did for FRIENDS, don’t worry, old man,” you teased, nudging him playfully. He snorted a laugh and stole a French fry from your plate, ignoring your offended gasp, “thanks.”

You kept on eating until you were so full of food you weren’t sure you could move anymore. As you put the plates on the tray, Bucky followed your every moves with his eyes, his brows lightly furrowed. “What’s up, old man?” you asked him when you felt his eyes not leaving your form and piercing through you. Bucky didn’t flinch when you caught him. “Isn’t it Steve’s hoodie? The one he’s been looking everywhere for the past couple of months,” he asked you, hiding his slight annoyance and jealousy so good it sounded like a casual question.

You looked down at the hoodie and shrugged before looking up at him, “it is indeed. But Steve doesn’t need to know I have it! If he learns that piece of information, I’ll know it’s from you and I’ll have to kill you.” Your tone was stern but your lips were curled up into your signature smirk that usually had him smiling. As you turned your attention back to the tv, Bucky stayed silent for a moment, still looking at you, unable to put finger on why but it really bothered him that you were wearing Steve’s hoodie.

He was deep in his thoughts when you turned back your attention to him, “are you okay?” you asked, frowning in concern as he looked like he was a thousand miles away. Your voice brought him out of his daydream and he focused his eyes on your face again. He cleared his throat and shrugged. “Yeah, I was just wondering why you took Steve’s hoodie, don’t you have your own?” He asked, his tone rather uncertain. “Are you trying to shame me, Barnes?” you teased, “but yes, I do have my own, but I just like Steve’s better. It’s more comfy,” you shrugged. When he stayed silent a little too long, you asked “are you going to tell him?”

He looked up at your face again and you almost looked sad at the thought of giving up the piece of clothing. Despite his annoyance, he could not bear the idea of being the one bringing you sadness so he sighed, “no, of course not.” He gave you a small smile and stood up from the bed, too suddenly to your liking. He walked towards the bathroom, “don’t pause the show, I’ll catch up later,” he said, grabbing his bag on his way and closing the door without looking at you.

You looked at the closed door and blinked a few times, slightly confused by his sudden shift of behavior, supposing it was because he was tired from the mission. You still decided to turn off the tv, having watched the show a thousand times before. What made it special was to watch it with him. So you sighed and took off the hoodie, revealing a dark tank top and settle under the covers, ready to join dreamland for the next forty eight hours when it struck you. You were going to sleep in the same bed as Bucky. As in you were going to sleep under the same covers, in the same bed, in the same room.

Panic started to build up and you immediately started feeling too self-conscious, too alert. Bucky. You’ve been crushing on him for months now. Ever since your met him, probably. When you first joined the Avengers initiative, you found yourself drawn to him. You’ve always loved the comfortable silence between you when you joined him in the common room to read. At first Bucky found it strange that you’d sit in the same room as him without any motive and kept staring at you, inhaling sharply when you would look up in his direction and send him a shy smile. You, on the other hand, found extremely funny how a simple smile could destabilize the Winter Soldier.

In fact, you quickly realized any mark of sympathy would destabilize him. So you’d started making him coffee and handing him a cup with a bright smile as soon as he entered the kitchen in the morning. Or buy him his favorite treats when going grocery shopping. Bucky had difficulties hiding his suspicions, not being used to people showing him sign of sympathy. But he soon realized that it was a genuine gesture and, after a while, he eventually started to relax.

Slowly, Bucky had started smiling you back, awkwardly at first, but it quickly came back. And god, did he have the most beautiful smile you had ever seen. His smile then turned to what you’ll later learn was his signature shit-eating smirk or a goofy smile, depending of the situation. The complicity eventually grew between the two of you and your feeling for him as well.

You started giving him books to read and movies to watch, anything to make him catch up. You also started visiting New York. Both of you showed your favorite places to the other, or where they used to be in Bucky’s case. Sometimes, when it dragged until late at night, he would tell you about what he remembered of his past and also the time he spent in Romania. You were always listening to him with all the attention in the world, hanging on his lips and never interrupting him, too scared for him to stop talking if you cut him.

Your favorite moment with him was probably the time he took you to that ice-cream place. It was there since before he was born and he told you all about how his parents would bring him and his sister there every weekend, then how it became his and Steve’s spot to hang out after school when they had money. The bashful smile that played on Bucky’s lips when you had asked him if he used to bring his dates here too indicated you it was indeed true and you teased him for hours about it. Oh, how you had wished that night was a date. Because that night was the first time you saw Bucky lost in old, cherished memories and you swore you’d never seen him more peaceful.

You heard the water stop running in the bathroom and you rolled on your side, your back facing the door. You shut your eyes close, partly to urge to sleep but mostly try to make the mental picture of Bucky stepping out of the shower, his torso glistening and water drops running between the edges of his muscles disappear. Those were the kind of mental pictures you wanted to avoid a few minutes before Bucky joined you in bed. In the same bed. You felt your face burning in embarrassment and mentally cursed at your stupid brain for not being able to make you fall asleep under the next minute.

In the silence of the room, each sound coming from the bathroom was clear, despite Bucky’s tendency to be as quiet as a cat most of the time. You could ever hear the dabbing of the towel on his skin and you pressed your face in your pillow to muffle a groan. After he put away his tactical gear in his bag and put on more comfortable clothes, you heard the bathroom door unlocking, making your heart rate speed up way too much to your liking. You barely heard Bucky walking on the carpeted floor, only his bag being carefully placed somewhere in the room then nothing. Literally nothing.

You didn’t know if it was because of the thrumming of your heart in your chest but you couldn’t hear anything for so long you were about to lift up your head when you felt the covers on the other side being lifted up and the mattress shifting down under Bucky’s weight. Your blood turned cold for a second before your entire body burned up. Despite the too respectable distance Bucky set between you two, you could feel his body heat radiating from him against your back.

You both stayed still for so long, you were sure he was asleep. His breathing pattern was slow and regular, as usual. Bucky’s steadiness was sometimes unsettling. But you knew it hid deeper, darkest hours. You had heard him waking up from nightmares many times, you saw him flinch when sudden fireworks exploded, his steadiness was just a facade that sometimes you wished you could crumble to see the real Bucky. Of course you knew you were lucky enough to have seen the sweetest side of Bucky, the side that made you want more, the side that, right at this instant, made you want to scoot a little closer to him and curl up against him.

You bit the inside of your cheek when you surprised yourself thinking like that. You couldn’t. It wasn’t appropriated of you to think of him like that. Bucky was your colleague, your teammate, he was your friend who was still looking for himself. Yes he had opened up to you a little more than to any other Avengers, yes he had this killer smirk that would have your inside melting but you were mostly positive that Bucky was not into you, that way. He was way out of your league anyway.

You sighed and a glance at the clock on the nightstand indicated you it had been two hours since you turned off the light. Bucky still hadn’t moved next to you, sign that he was deep asleep. Lucky him. Your mind was going too fast for you to sleep. Despite your exhausted brain and body, Bucky’s warm and comforting presence next to you was too gripping and kept you from relaxing. You contemplated the possibility of spending another sleepless night but you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

So you sighed again and pushed away the covers to walk to the bathroom, maybe some water would help. As you stood up, your eyes fell on the couch on the other side of the room and your body and brain screamed at you to finally let them rest. You knew it was the only option for you to finally relax and sleep without feeling too self conscious. You grabbed the throw on the back of the couch and placed it on you after lying down. The couch was cold, much colder than the bed but, at this point, anything would do.

You didn’t remember drifting away, but Bucky knew the moment you were asleep. He sighed and turned on his side, facing the bathroom door and turning his back to you in the process. For two hours he had been listening to your too loud, too erratic, too uneven heartbeat. It had been absolutely deafening. Yet, the minute you moved to the couch, you almost immediately fell asleep. Bucky huffed, unable to hide his offense.

Bucky knew he wasn’t the best catch anymore, he probably had the biggest luggage someone could ever have. But he still considered himself as a rather decent guy. At least since you guys met, he saw himself as such. Because slowly, as slowly as you let him, you managed to make him open himself more and more to you. Your kindness had, at first, startled him but when he realized your intentions were not fallacious, he relaxed more and more.

It had been forever since Bucky had found someone he could be natural with. He never tried to cheat because, somehow, you would know and subtly put him more at ease. You never judged, never mocked, always respected his boundaries. The same boundaries that had shrank more and more until he couldn’t see the walls he had put up to protect himself from the world. He didn’t want anything between the two of you. But apparently you wanted literal distance.

He saw this delayed return as a way to finally be only the two of you without any other person trying to interrupt or tease you. But the second he saw you with Steve’s hoodie, something went off in his brain. Something he hadn’t been familiar with in forever, jealousy. Bucky couldn’t help but feel jealous that you too took Steve’s and not his. I mean, why not his? He was had about the same build as Steve and his clothes were quite similar, a bit darker but still similar. He knew that you and his best friend were not an item, but it still made his heart sink in his chest.

After all, it’s with him you wander around New York with, not Steve. It’s him who takes you to his favorite ice-cream shop, not Steve. It’s with him that you read in the living room, not Steve. For each comparison, Bucky felt his annoyance growing more and more. The bed felt cold without you next to him. It was like he could still feel the melted snow dampening his clothes and reaching deep down in his bones. This mission had mentally taken him back to Siberia and he hated every second of it. But having you by his side had helped help not to lose himself too much in his blurry memories. Keeping an eye on you, working along with you had been his best therapy for the past days. But right now, he felt lonely.

Bucky had been staring at the ceiling for hours now. He had given up on the thought to get some sleep after the third time he woke with a jolt. At least he didn’t scream for once. He sighed deeply and looked at the clock to see it was six in the morning. Exhaustion was making his head feel heavy and his eyes burn but he couldn’t get any rest. Bucky was painfully aware of your presence in the room. If having you so close to him was distracting, having you at the other end of the room was dreadful.

Bucky could still remember the way your heartbeat had speeded up when he walked out of the bathroom, sign that you were not sleeping. Maybe you were tired and didn’t want to make conversation with him, which was fair enough after the precipitated way he had left the room right before. But you never fell asleep. Your breathing even slightly hitched when he had settled between the sheets. You were uncomfortable. He made you uncomfortable.

Despite him laying still, his eyes glued to the ceiling, his breathing calm and even, your heartbeat never slowed down, indicating you were still agitated, anxious, afraid. It was the only valid reason that could explain why Bucky’s presence seemed to make your stress level climb up so high. And, as painful as it was to admit, Bucky couldn’t blame you. You had every right to be afraid of him.

What confused him was that you had never showed any sign of fear or anything towards him before. He had always thought you two were friends, but he obviously was wrong. Maybe it was just an act to avoid any drama with the team. Maybe you had been as sweet to everybody else, making him just another member of the team. Or even worse, maybe he was only just a friend and nothing more to you. This thought made Bucky’s stomach twitch.

He angrily pushed the covers away, feeling like it was restraining it to the bed. After meticulously making the bed, an old army reflex he kept for decades, and without giving it much more thoughts, he grabbed his clothes from his bags and locked himself in the bathroom. After spraying in face with ice cold water and changing into jeans and a dark sweater, he grabbed his jacket, boots and walked out of the room.

In the process of walking in direction of the door, his eyes fall on your sleeping form on the couch. Despite the darkness of the room, you looked peaceful, innocent and incredibly soft. Bucky had to bite the inside of his cheek to look away from you and leave the room. You weren’t the only who needed to put distance between the two of you. He needed air.

It was mid-morning when you opened an eye, highly confused and your neck hurting more than the rest of you sore body. Maybe you had overestimated the quality of the couch.It took you a few seconds to remember where you were and a little more time to realize that the bed was neatly made, empty. Shit.

You had hoped Bucky didn’t catch you sleeping on the couch to avoid any awkwardness, but was a big failure. You sighed and kicked the throw away from you. God, it was embarrassing enough to have fled the bed, now you would have to find an excuse to explain why you had ran away. You couldn’t tell Bucky that you slept on the couch because he was too close yet too far. You couldn’t tell him you wanted nothing but to curl up against him to finally discover how his body felt against yours when neither of you was wearing tactical gear and trying to protect the other from the enemy.

The only thing you could do was lie. Maybe pretend you couldn’t sleep and you didn’t want to disturb him by always moving around, which wasn’t completely a lie in the end. You’d just forget to mention the part where you felt his warmth brushing your back and spread through your system, deep down to your bones. Because, even if he wasn’t touching you, you felt warmer in the same bed as Bucky than you had in the bathtub. Warmer that you had felt in a very long time. Bucky’s presence was soothing and reassuring.

Bucky often managed to make you feel safe and calm just by standing next to you. When you were on missions, you knew you could rely on him and that nothing could happen to you because he had your back as much as you had his.

You sighed deeply, slowly sitting up and looking around the room for any trace of Bucky but, of course, he was nowhere to be found. After putting on some clothes, you texted and called Bucky but you were sent to voicemail and your texts were unanswered. You figured he was maybe having breakfast or walking around the hotel. With the heavy snow storm raging outside, he couldn’t be very far. As ironic as it sounded, the former Winter Soldier hated snow to his guts and you knew it, you made fun of him enough on the past few days about it.

So you walked to the hotel restaurant where they were putting the breakfast buffet away. After scanning the almost empty room and noticing Bucky wasn’t here, you quickly grabbed a plate that you filled with your favorite fruits and some pancakes.

After quickly eating some breakfast, you started walking around the hotel, looking for Bucky. Your first try was the gym. You knew they had a fancy gym here and, when Bucky couldn’t sleep, the gym was his first option. To your dismay, he wasn’t there. So you took a few wild guesses and went to the pool, the inside patio, the entertainment room, everywhere but Bucky was nowhere to be found.

You tried not to worry too much, thinking Bucky was more than capable of defending himself. But you couldn’t make the little voice in your head stop telling you something was off. So you took your phone again and texted him that you were worried about him and if he could tell you if he was okay. It didn’t take him more than a minute to answer “I’m okay.”

You tried not to read to much into the brief and sharp answer, at least you knew he was alive. But you couldn’t shake off the uncomfortable feeling that you might have hurt him even if, to be honest, you didn’t see why he would be hurt. Sure, if it was the other way around and if he was the one who would have waited for you to fall asleep to go sleep on the couch, you would have been more than hurt. But the big difference was that you were into Bucky and he was not.

After wandering in the hotel for what seemed like hours, you gave up. You knew that if Bucky didn’t want to be found, it was pretty much impossible to actually find him. And right now, it seemed like he wanted to be alone. You groaned in frustration, not knowing if you were mostly pissed at Bucky or yourself. But, decided not to sulk alone all day long, you walked to the reception and asked for a bathing suit. If Stark was paying, you might as well enjoy the ridiculously fancy SPA of the hotel because it didn’t seem like the storm was ready to calm down.

It was almost diner time when you walked back to your shared room, secretly hoping Bucky was back. Because, after checking your phone, you noticed he didn’t contact you since this morning. To forget about it, you literally asked for every single treatment the SPA offered, considering that after such a stressful and successful mission, you totally deserved to treat yourself.

If every muscle is your body was so relaxed that you could barely walk straight, your brain was still going full speed. You didn’t manage to get Bucky out of your mind all day long, wondering if he really was okay. So you couldn’t hide you relief when you entered the bedroom and heard the shower running. Bucky was back. You bit your lips at the thought him in the shower and quickly shook your head to erase that mental picture, right now wasn’t the moment!

You quickly changed out of your robe and back into your jeans and Steve’s hoodie, hoping you and Bucky could enjoy the fancy hotel restaurant instead of ordering room service. As you placed your bag back near Bucky’s, you noticed his clothes on top of it were wet and cold, like melted snow. Was Bucky out all day long? With this snow? You frowned in confusion and surprise. But you didn’t have time to think much longer.

You were so deep into your thoughts that you barely noticed the shower had stopped running a few minutes ago. It was the door unlocking that makes you jump in surprise and you rushed to sit on the bed. When Bucky walked out of the bathroom, only wearing a towel around his waist, your breathing hitched. All your rational thoughts flew out of the window when you saw that none of the mental pictures you ever had gave any justice to that. You tried your best not to look at his glistening torso or how dangerously low his towel was hanging on his hips, but you froze completely, your eyes glued to his muscular form.

Bucky had hoped not to cross path with you because one look at you and his anger vanished away. But he wanted to be mad. You had hurt him. As involuntarily as it was, you made him doubt every single progress he had made and regret all his late night confessions to you. He wanted to avoid looking at you but you were staring at him, your eyes slightly wide and you jaw clenched. And, of course, still wearing this goddamn hoodie.

Bucky felt overly exposed. There was a reason he always wore long sleeved shirt, he didn’t want people to see the too many scars that covered his body. His chest, abdomen, ribcage, arm, everywhere he looked he only saw them, the witnesses of his past. And of course, the one that stood out the most was on his shoulder. He hated the way the scientists looked at his body for all these years, so much he had stopped looking at himself in the mirror. They saw him as flesh and muscles, just a body, never an actual person.

So now he usually focused on his face, doing his best to ignore anything below his neck. So having you staring at his with this dazed look on your face, it made him want to crawl out of his own skin and lock himself in the bathroom again. He was so exhausted after spending the day walking around in the goddamn snow to try to stop thinking about you, he had forgotten his dry clothes in the bedroom. And you not being here when he arrived, he thought he could have avoided you. But he was obviously wrong.

“Hi,” he mumbled, immediately looking away. He walked to his bag and grabbed his dry and clean clothes. His voice brought you out of your daze and your face flushed with embarrassment. “Hi,” you mumbled, clearing your throat and looking down at your lap. “Where were you? I was worried.” You heard him fumble with the clothes for a second, “here and there, I just needed to get some air,” his tone was weary and detached. And, even without seeing his face, you could visualize his done face and you couldn’t explain why but it started to get on your nerves, especially when he walked to the bathroom and locked the door behind him without sparing you one more glance. 

You sighed in frustration, your face still burning. Fuck, sometimes Bucky really was a piece of work. It didn’t take him long to get dressed, you could hear him jumping in his clothes. So you took a deep breath, decided to calm yourself down before he walked out of the bathroom. You two were gonna have a nice dinner and have fun and forget all about the weird vibe there was going on right now.

You kept on breathing deeply, trying to calm your erratic heartbeat until Bucky walked out of the bathroom again. “Hey… I was thinking…” you barely had time to finish your sentence that Bucky walked determinedly towards the chair where is jacket was. “Where are you going?” you asked, unable to hide your disbelief. “Don’t know yet,” he answered, quickly putting on his shoes. Bucky never walked out on you before and you couldn’t deny your heart sinking in your chest at the same time that your blood started to boil when he walked in direction of the door.

You didn’t see yourself run after him but you did and stood between him and the door. Bucky stopped, surprised by your action. You looked as mad and sad as him that he dared treat you like that and all he wanted to do was to pull you close to him until all your anger and sadness vanished away, but he couldn’t. And knowing that he wasn’t allowed to because you saw him like the monster that he was made his own anger build up. “Y/N, move,” he says, his voice void of any emotion.

You clenched you jaw and shook your head. “No, I won’t move. Not until you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you,” you said firmly. Bucky’s face was completely closed, as if he was focusing on something really important or deeply lost in his thought. You hadn’t seen him looking at you like that in months. “Better watch that language of yours, Y/N. I’m pretty sure Steve wouldn’t like that.” The pettiness in Bucky’s voice made your eyes bulge out of your skull and you scoffed.

“Fuck Steve! And you know what, Bucky? Fuck you too!” you snapped, surprised by your own animosity. “What did I do to upset you like that?” Bucky didn’t react, he didn’t answer, only stepped aside to walk past you but you didn’t let him. You moved at the same time as him, planting your eyes in his. “I’ll fight you, Barnes. I’m not scared of you.”

Your brows shot up to the ceiling when he snapped “oh really?” You blinked a few times, highly confused. “Of course not! You saved my life so many times I can’t count them! You’re my friend! Even if all I want right now is to punch you in the dick! What’s gotten into you?” Bucky snorted at your impertinence, never thinking that he would someday be the victim of that foul mouth of yours.

“Forget it,” Bucky sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He usually loved your stubbornness, but it was the first time it was addresses to him. He desperately needed some air, your proximity made it hard for him to think properly. “No, Bucky! I’m your friend and we’re stuck here for at least two more days, I’m not forgetting it. Please, tell me.” Your tone turned softer, more pleading. But the way Bucky scoffed made your blood boil again. “Yeah, sorry you’re stuck with me. I’ll see if they can find me another room,” he said, trying to move to the door again but you prevented him from doing so.

You felt panic starting to build up and replace your anger. He couldn’t leave. You couldn’t fight with him. “Come on, you know that’s not what I meant.” You tried to reach for his arm but he yanked it away. “Oh yeah, then how comes you slept on the couch?” He said, his voice tainted with so much sadness, lassitude you wanted nothing but to hold him against you. His words were like a cold shower and you found yourself speechless. Bucky scoffed again at your silence.

“You don’t seem to be able to stay near me for someone who isn’t afraid of me! Or maybe it’s because I disgust you too much that you can’t stand me?” You felt his anger creeping up your own system again and your heartbeat speeding up. You simple couldn’t believe your ears. All the sadness faded in one second. It was your turned to scoff and you shook your head. “Wow, I knew you had some self-esteem issues to work on but it’s more serious that I thought,” you said, your tone dripping with disbelief as you felt your heart clenching.

“After everything I did for you, you really think I’d be disgusted or afraid by you? Seriously, Bucky? Have I ever been mean to you? I don’t think so. I think I’ve been pretty patient and understanding. I never judged, I never pushed you or anything. I thought we were friends but I think I was wrong. Because if you think that I could ever think that of you, it means you and I really don’t know each other. And I don’t know if it’s worth me putting so much effort in this relationship.”

You never felt more stupid in your entire life. Here you were, trying your best to suppress your feelings for Bucky because you didn’t want to mess up your friendship and he dared say that you were disgusted by him. Angry tears welled up your eyes and you bite your tongue not to slap him across his stupidly perfect face.

Bucky regretted his words the second they ran past his lips, the way your face crumbled when he said them made him wished the ground would open up beneath his feet. Your body was tensed and radiated with nothing but fury and pain. You turned around to open the door. “Y/N, wait…”

“Fuck you, Barnes,” you mumbled and, the second you opened the door, Bucky’s hand slammed against it to push it closed again. You jumped in surprised, turning around again to look at him with wide eyes. Bucky’s heart felt to the floor when he realized the situation was getting out of hands because of him. “Fuck, Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he pleaded you. You pressed your lips together, “yeah, you can be,” you spat, hating how close you two were standing to each other.

The hammering of your heart was making your head pound and all you wanted to do was walk away from him because everything about him was intoxicating. “You know I’ll never hurt you,” Bucky said, his voice turning softer and, despite your anger, you knew he was telling the truth. Your chest was raising and falling as hard as his from your heavy breathings. The tension in the room was so thick you knew you could touch it if you tried. “But you did hurt me,” you whispered. 

Bucky sighed, doing his best to keep his arms against his side but he just realized he was still trapping you between him and the door, his right hand still pressed to the door to keep you from leaving, but you didn’t try to move away. “I know, and I’m sorry. It’s just…” he sighed deeply again, trying to put his thoughts into order but to be honest, every time it came to you, his brain refused to cooperate and he groaned in frustration. “I just don’t know how to be around you sometimes, okay?! You confuse me!”

You frowned, perplex. “Because you’re the best person I ever met, Y/N! You’re kind, soft, gentle and you put up with my shit. And when I saw you leave the bed last night it fucking destroyed me because I thought you saw me the way I see me and it hurt like hell. I don’t want you to see me like that, I don’t want you to stare at me like you did earlier. I want you to see me like who I could be, like who I used to be and…”

Bucky was cut short by your hands cupping his face, “Bucky, shut the fuck up!” He complied, surprised by your assertiveness, but also by the softness and warmth of your hands against his cheeks. “You’re gonna listen to me good, Bucky Barnes. I am certainly not disgusted by you, even less afraid of you. I could kick your ass in a heartbeat if I really tried,” his lips broke into a small smile that made your heart flutter in your chest. “I see you exactly as you are. As the strongest man I’ve ever met. A man who’s fighting the hardest battle of all while still being soft and fun and sometimes a little too charming for his own good. I’m sorry if you thought that I went to the couch because I didn’t want to sleep next to you, but I can promise you it has nothing to do with me being afraid of you, okay?”

Bucky looked in your eyes so intently you felt like he could see all your deepest, darkest secrets. When he nodded softly, you knew he saw no lies. You sighed in relief, feeling the tension melting away but neither of you pulled away. Your hands were still on his face and he was still trapping you against the door. “Then why?” Bucky whispered over the sound of his pounding heart, feeling his body being drawn to yours so much, every single nerve tingled to press you closer to him. Your breathing hitched at the softness in his eyes.

“Because I like you,” you spoke so low, your voice was barely a whisper. You closed your eyes, immediately regretting telling the words. You spoiled your relationship with Bucky, you knew it. He had trusted you with his memories and you had to involve feelings in it. But you couldn’t keep it to yourself anymore. “I like you and it was impossible to stay in the same bed without being close to you.” You kept your eyes closed, wanting to avoid looking at Bucky in the eyes. You didn’t want to see his pity for you, even less his surprise or disbelief. You wanted to disappear.

But closing your eyes made you miss the way Bucky’s lips curled up into a soft smile. It made you miss how his eyes lit up with excitement. Heck, his entire face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning. Because you just admitted you liked him. You liked him and he liked you too. God, you two were the dumbest people on this planet.

Bucky’s silence was deafening, it was oppressing and you wanted nothing more than run away so you would never have to look at him again. You had made a fool of yourself enough for the next ten years. But, as you were about to pull your hands away from his face and open your eyes again to run for you life, you felt the softest kiss being pressed to your lips. It was shy, chaste, gentle but it was enough to knock the air out of your lungs and make your head spin. It was brief, too brief. So brief that, when Bucky pulled away, you couldn’t suppress a soft whimper at the loss of his lips against yours and you held his face tighter as you opened your eyes.

Bucky chuckled softly, brushing his nose against yours and his lips spread in the goofiest smile you had ever seen. “Bucky,” you giggled breathlessly, pressing your hands harder on his cheeks. Bucky swore his heart bursted out of his chest at the sound of your laughter that echoed deep down within him. He chuckled your name deeply, making goosebumps arise all over your skin. You bit your bottom lip as Bucky stepped closer, pressing his chest against yours and wrapped his free arm around your waist. “I like you too, Y/N,” he whispered, grinning impossibly wide before he pressed his lips against yours again.

You both sighed deeply in content when your lips met again, the kiss soft yet desperately hungry. Holding his face tight so you didn’t part, you stepped back enough so your back was pressing against the door and you pulled Bucky impossibly close to you. Both your heart beat in perfect, erratic harmony. A soft gasp escaped your lips when you felt Bucky’s tongue running against your bottom lip, allowing him to slide his tongue between your lips. Your miserable whimper when your tongues met for the first time was drowned by Bucky’s animalistic groan. It came so deep within him you felt your own chest rumble against his.

It was only when your lungs started to ache from the lack of air that you unwillingly parted your lips. You were both panting heavily, smiling impossibly wide and trying to make sense of what just happened. A breathless chuckle escaped you, “fuck, we’re dumb.” Bucky nodded, immediately seeking for you lips again and you giggled when he pecked them repeatedly. “So— Fucking— Dumb,” he spoke between each peck, making you giggle even more. Bucky felt like his heart was ready to escape his body, you laughter sounding like music to his ears and he wanted nothing but to drawn in the sound until he was intoxicated by it.

You had completely forgot the idea of going down to the restaurant when Bucky had swept you off your feet and pressed you down to the mattress, his lips everywhere his hands were not. The only thing that had been able to stop Bucky’s hungry kisses and you breathless sighs was both your phones ringing repeatedly. To avoid Bucky from smashing them against the wall, you had picked up. It was Stark telling you that you would probably be able to leave Alaska the next day. After hanging up, you looked back up at Bucky who was smiling tenderly at you, “I don’t want to leave Alaska.” His voice was as soft as the way he looked at you. You felt your cheeks heating up and you pulled him close to you to steal a kiss, “let’s make sure Alaska doesn’t forget about us,” you grinned against his lips.

You were now curled up against Bucky’s side, you head on his chest as his hand ran on your arm and back while Brooklyn Nine-Nine was playing on tv. “So, are you going to give Steve his hoodie back?” Bucky’s voice was soft but the undertone was playful. Your brows knitted together in confusion as you looked up at him, “now why on Earth would I do that?” you chuckled at his goofy grin. “Because now you can borrow mine,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world before pressing his lips against yours. You giggled against his lips, “so that was all the fuss was about? You marking your territory? Caveman,” you sighed dramatically.

Bucky grinned against your lips before flipping you over so he was hovering over you, “I’m just claiming what’s mine!” he said with a proud smile that made you snort a laugh. “Well, mister caveman, you’ll be happy to know that I already have one of your sweaters,” you said with a playful smile, making Bucky quirks his brow. “Oh you do? Which one?” You nodded, playing with the collar of Bucky’s shirt. “The red one,” you admitted. Bucky squinting his eyes, only realizing now that, indeed, he hadn’t seen his sweater in quite some time now?

“Oh yeah? And how comes I’ve never seen you in it?” He teased, the playfulness of his tone making your entire body come alive. “It’s the one I use to sleep in,” you shrugged but your smirk indicated you were nothing but casual about your revelation. Bucky’s mind went blank to the mental picture of you sleeping in his red sweater and you giggled at his dumbfounded face. “It used to smell like you, it was comforting. But now it only smells like me,” you pouted. Bucky chuckled and leaned to peck your pouty lips.

“If it smells like you then I definitely want it back, but not before seeing you in it first,” Bucky winked, his voice a pitch deeper and you felt your entire body reacting. “We’ll see if you deserve to see me in it,” you winked back. “Well, better start showing you right now how much I deserve it,” Bucky said before burying his face in your neck, making you squeal and giggle heartily.

Fuck, you guys loved Alaska.


End file.
